I wrote this a few days ago and I just never posted it. This is more of a homework assignment and may not be very interesting to most.
I have been practicing yoga one-on-one for almost a year and a half now, with a teacher I respect very much. My practice with her is changing the way I see the world and how I chose to be a part of it in each moment. She constantly challenges my thinking, but in a gentle way. The other day we had the day off because our school had no power so I went to the gym in the morning. She happened to be working and decided to give me some last minute homework before our session later that afternoon. This is what she left me with:
1. How is this practice serving you?
2. What can I do, or see differently, in order to see things as they are?
3. How can I do the opposite of my automatic response?
4. Why do I chose distraction over presence of being?
Easy right? Not really... yeah, ok, I'll just answer these soul searching questions in the next 3 hours... needless to say, I could not come up with an answer to any of them with my limited time - we laughed about it, but it remained homework for next time. Just thinking about the second question makes my brain hurt. Here goes nothing...
1. How is this practice serving me? I have learned a lot about myself just by showing up on my mat. After a year of skepticism and resistance, I am now able to tolerate stillness and genuinely believe that it is necessary to healing... some days I am more willing, and/or able, than others to embrace this. The brief moments of surrender, freedom, and ease I have felt from the conflict that constantly occupies my headspace, leaves me craving more.
2. What can I do or see differently in order to see things as they are? I don't know how to answer this one yet. I need to process this more.
3. How can I do the opposite of my automatic response? Pause. Breathe. Inquire. Allow time to pass between my thoughts and my action. Thoughts don't have to become reality.
4. Why do I chose distraction over presence of being? In a simple answer, because it is easier. Somehow I don't think my simple answer is going to fly though...so going deeper...blah, I don't know... I choose distraction because it feels safer than stillness and presence. It occupies my mind and keeps me from focusing on feelings that I don't want to have. It's almost as if I try and convince myself that I exist in a different reality. A reality that I wish were my reality. When I sit in stillness and connect with myself it is a reminder that all of the "fronts" and faces I wear throughout the day are not my truth.
That is all my brain can handle from right now.
On #2 I would think the best thing to do for any given subject is to ask a few trusted friends what their opinion is on the subject and then do some experiments to verify your beliefs, if possible.
ReplyDeleteThe tough part is that you can't really prove that something is true. You really can only prove that something is not true. For any given fact that we know today at some point we probably thought something else and then someone came along and proved that some part of it was wrong and then the facts had to be refined to allow for what was proven wrong. This includes everything from time to gravity and whether or not the earth was flat.